“Don’t Hold Me on a Word”: Releasing Ourselves from Stuck Communication

In Egyptian Arabic, there's a phrase I often return to when coaching others through difficult conversations:"ما تمسكنيش على كلمة" — "Don’t hold me on a word."

It’s a small sentence with a big message. One that reminds us that language is imperfect, especially in emotionally charged moments. Sometimes, the words we choose don’t quite fit the feeling we’re trying to express. And yet, when a single word lands wrong — a sharp tone, a poorly chosen phrase, or something said in passing — we often seize on it. We filter out the rest. We hold the speaker on that word, and we get stuck.

I’ve noticed how common this is. A friend or client will replay a comment someone made: a word their partner used, something their boss said in a meeting, or a friend’s message that “didn’t sit right.” Their emotional response — anger, hurt, confusion — becomes fixed on that one moment. And that word becomes bigger than the conversation itself.

But here’s the truth I gently offer:Context matters. And context is vast.

Communication Is More Than the Words

A message is never just about the words spoken. It’s shaped by tone, timing, energy, the speaker’s emotional state, the listener’s readiness to receive it, and the entire relationship history leading up to that moment. It includes what was said before, what remains unsaid, and sometimes, even what we wish had been said differently.

The Trap of Holding On to “That Word”

There’s a kind of emotional stickiness that can take hold when a particular word upsets us. It plays on repeat in our minds. We assign it weight and meaning. We nourish it — giving it power — until it starts to obscure our ability to see clearly.

Sometimes, yes, the message is genuinely offensive, inappropriate, or harmful. In those cases, it’s important to hold space for truth and accountability. But many times, it’s not the message itself — it’s the interpretation of a single word that spirals us into pain. We assume intention, apply judgment, and lock ourselves into an emotional state that doesn’t serve us.

We get stuck.

And this doesn’t just halt a conversation — it halts connection, healing, and sometimes personal progress. It fosters resentment, prolongs emotional distress, and often blinds us to a more generous or truthful interpretation of the moment.

And the real cost is that it’s not healthy. Not for our minds, not for our bodies, and not for our relationships.

So, what do we do instead?

We shift the question. Instead of asking, “What did they say?”, try asking, “What were they trying to say?”

This single shift from judgment to curiosity creates space for understanding. It doesn't excuse harmful language, but it does invite us to explore the fuller picture before reacting. It reminds us that people are human — and so are we. We fumble, we get emotional, we use the wrong word sometimes. That doesn’t always mean our intentions were wrong.

Compassion in communication starts with grace:

• Grace for the speaker, who may not have found the perfect word.

• Grace for ourselves, in choosing not to carry unnecessary emotional weight.

When I coach people through emotionally charged situations, I often say:“Don’t hold them on a word.”

That word might not have been ideal. But holding onto it — feeding it anger, replaying it endlessly — only builds a wall between us and growth. It clouds our ability to respond constructively. It delays healing.

Instead, I invite clients to:

• Acknowledge the word.

• Name the emotion it triggered.

• And then ask: Is this reaction grounded in what was truly meant? Or am I stuck in how it was said?

That moment of awareness is where release begins.

Letting go of “that word” isn’t weakness. It’s strength. It’s a decision to prioritize peace, understanding, and forward motion over perfection. It doesn’t mean avoiding conflict — it means approaching it with clarity, context, and a willingness to see the human behind the message.

So next time you feel stuck on something someone said, take a breath and remember:"ما تمسكنيش على كلمة." Don’t hold them on a word.Look for the message. Let go of the noise.

Choose to move forward — for your own well-being, and for the health of your relationships.