No Apologies for Being Me

A woman I barely knew told me recently, “I didn’t like you the first time we met." We were in a social group and she’d had a few drinks — enough to let liquid courage speak first. I could tell this was something she felt she needed to say. She followed it up with, “But I’ve warmed up to you now.”

Years ago, this might have stung. Today, I have clarity and feel gratitude.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard a version of that sentiment. A few times, over many years, I’ve had people share with me that I came across as “intimidating,” “too confident,” or that they felt unsure about me upon first meeting. When I ask what I said or did to cause discomfort, the answer is almost always the same: “Nothing. It’s just your presence.”

It’s how I show up. It’s the way I carry myself. It’s the comfort I have in my own skin, the ease in my words, and the self-assurance I bring into a room. And I understand, that can challenge people.

But here’s what I’ve learned: I am not responsible for how my presence lands when I haven’t done anything harmful. I don’t feel the need to apologize for existing confidently, for being warm, open, expressive, or passionate. That’s not ego. That’s self-respect.

Over the years, I’ve done the work. I’ve reflected deeply on who I am, how I show up, and how I move through different spaces — professionally and personally. Of course I temper my energy in certain situations. That’s not inauthenticity — that’s emotional intelligence. But the core of me doesn’t shift. And I no longer shrink it to make others more comfortable.

What I’ve come to appreciate is this: I don’t love everyone I meet, and not everyone will love me.That’s not harsh. That’s human. And I’m okay with that.

What I won’t do is carry the guilt or responsibility for someone else’s internal discomfort when I’ve done nothing to cause harm. When someone says, “You intimidate me,” what I hear is, “I feel intimidated. "That's not about me. That’s about them. And that’s a powerful place for them to start asking, why?

Why does another person’s self-possession rattle you?

Why does confidence feel threatening instead of inspiring?

What stories have you been told — or told yourself — about how people should show up?

This kind of reflection matters. Because we don’t just navigate the world through our own self-concept; we filter it through comparison, expectation, and past experiences. And sometimes, someone else’s strength shines a light on our own insecurities. That’s not a flaw. That’s an invitation.

For me, this journey has been about learning to love who I am. Fully. Not in spite of my presence — because of it. And I truly believe that when we learn to love ourselves — really love ourselves — we unlock the capacity to love others more authentically. When I appreciate my uniqueness, I naturally begin to appreciate the uniqueness of others. Without envy, without judgment, without needing to understand or explain it all.

So, I won’t apologize for being me. But I am here for anyone who wants to explore why being around certain energies feels uncomfortable. I’m here for the hard questions, the honest conversations, the work of unpacking what’s underneath.

Because growth doesn’t happen when we ask others to shrink. It happens when we finally step into our own light — and let others keep theirs on too.